I was seven when I first learned the quiet art of shrinking.
My brother told my elder sister one day,
> “Don’t wear gold or dress too flashy — it will scare men away.”
He wasn’t talking to me, but I heard it.
And somehow, I learned it.
Be smaller.
Be softer.
Be less.
So men could approach.
And for years, I lived like that — believing I needed to fit in tiny spaces to be accepted, loved, or chosen.
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💫 Becoming a Mother — and Seeing Differently
Now I’m 30, with two beautiful daughters, and everything looks different.
I watch my girls play — one almost three, the other not yet one — dressing up in sparkly trinkets, spinning in their little worlds of joy. They wear pretend crowns and plastic jewelry, giggling without a care.
And I think, this is how it should be.
They don’t yet know about the world’s strange rules for women — the ones that whisper: tone it down, be humble, don’t stand out too much.
But I do. And I intend to break that cycle.
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💍 The Lessons I Now Teach
I tell my girls, even though they’re still too young to understand:
> “Don’t wear expensive jewelry unless you can afford it — or you truly love it.”
“Don’t live your life shrinking to be accommodated.”
Because the right people — the ones meant for you — will meet you at your level, and together, you’ll rise higher.
That’s how love, friendship, and purpose are meant to work: mutual growth, not quiet sacrifice.
And I don’t just tell them.
I intend to show them.
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🌸 Unlearning, Relearning, and Forgiving Myself
Part of my motherhood journey is this:
Unlearning what never served me.
Relearning what’s true and freeing.
Forgiving myself for the times I didn’t know better.
I’m learning that I don’t have to pause for approval.
I can stop for rest, but not for permission.
Because we aren’t here forever.
And waiting for validation is a slow way to disappear.
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🌞 A Note to My Daughters — and Every Woman Reading This
Don’t shrink.
Don’t dim your light.
Don’t wait until it’s perfect or acceptable.
Live.
Live fully, loudly, kindly, and freely.
Because every version of you deserves to be seen — not edited for comfort.
And maybe, that’s the truest way to honor the women we were taught not to be.
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✍🏽 Author’s Note
As a mother, I’m learning that growth isn’t just about what we teach our children — it’s also about what we unlearn within ourselves.
Every day, I’m choosing to show my daughters that they are enough as they are — loud, gentle, ambitious, imperfect, and whole.
So if you’re reading this, mama — give yourself grace.
We’re all learning, one brave, messy, beautiful day at a time. 💛